This post is from Sue
My
mum and I loved peanut brittle . Expensive presents weren’t the order of the
day growing up but once I started work one year I bought her a whole sweet jar
full. And she still had all her own
teeth!
Just
recently I was quite sad as a good friend had been diagnosed with cancer So one of my daughters sent me a present to
cheer me up. Included in it was a slice
of peanut brittle. Suddenly I was
smiling, going back through the years to my childhood. It wasn’t actually about the peanut brittle,
that was just the catalyst. So what was
it about? And what about those who don’t
have ‘peanut brittle‘ memories to fall back on?
I
was very lucky. There are so many little things that remind me how safe and
valued I felt growing up, although we only realise these things
retrospectively. The things that made me
feel OK as a person, first as a child and later on as an adult.
But
actually we are all okay as people. It’s
just that if no-one helps us to realise that growing up we have to find ways of
doing it for ourselves.
A
very common way is not to remember anything: “Oh that’s in the past, for me it’s
a bit of a blank “ Bit of a shame really as you are blocking out all the clever
ways you managed to survive growing up in a difficult environment, all the
things you managed to work out for yourself.
Or
you only remember the bad things you were told or believed about yourself.
“My
mother says I was born an angry child”.
I don’t think so but it makes some sort of crazy sense if your life was
not good.
And
maybe the most complicated one to deal with as we get older, we pretend it was
all OK!
So
what can we do about all this?
Firstly,
keep repeating to yourself my dad’s mantra: ”You’re as good as anyone and better than no one”. Never mind that
you don’t quite believe it yet. Just keep saying it. It affects how you feel
about yourself and other people. And how
you treat yourself and other people: as equals.
Then
if you’re past wasn’t good enough make sure your future is better. Work out the things that make you feel good. That’s not what other people think, it’s what
you think. I mean going swimming fills me with fear and dread. For someone else
it’s a fantastic way to relax.
And
it doesn’t matter what it is you like. Train spotting, watching Coronation Street,
computer games, doing nothing. All valid if it’s your choice. Rebuild your
world as you want it. And yes, I know
it’s not always that easy. But remember
the mantra – you’re as good as anyone and better than no one.
Go on, you deserve it!