Where do you go when life gets too much for
you?
When everything’s getting on top of us, when
we just can’t take it all any more, we need to escape to somewhere safe. A refuge, a bolt-hole, an asylum, a shelter - a
sanctuary.
In the Middle Ages a sanctuary was a place – often
a church or monastery - where safety was guaranteed for people fleeing from arrest
or prosecution. By the law of the medieval church, a fugitive from justice or a
debtor was immune from arrest. If you’ve ever watched Derek Jacobi in Cadfael
(or read Ellis Peters’ stories) you’ll know how that worked.
We don’t always have to go to such extremes. It
is good to have our own personal sanctuaries, for those times when we just need
to get away from it all. You might find
yours in the shed at the bottom of the garden, or on your allotment. Or jogging
round the park, with your favourite tunes on your iPod. Or soaking in a hot
bath with music and candles, and the bathroom door firmly locked.
When I was growing up in Dublin, family life was
often stressful. To escape from all the hassle, I created a little library for
myself in the outside toilet. I loved sitting there and reading. My brother
Nick found a different refuge (usually from us older brothers wanting to beat
him up!) in the branches of an old apple tree. Going through major life changes
in my late 20s, the main place I felt safe was in my car, driving up and down
the M6 between Manchester and Worcester.
Sadly, sanctuaries can become prisons. Lots
of people use booze or drugs as a means of escape. They work for a while, giving
that warm glow of comfort and forgetting. But too much for too long and they cause
more problems than they solve.
If things are really, really bad – if you’re
experiencing abuse or violence at home and don’t know how to get away from it -
you may seek sanctuary inside your own head[1].
You find ways to watch what’s happening
to you as if you’re outside the situation. It’s safer and easier than experiencing
the pain or terror directly. But you risk losing touch with the rest of the world.
As a GP, a lot of people with problems like this find ten minutes of sanctuary
in my consulting room.
How do you
find sanctuary, when life gets too much for you?
[1] I’ve touched on this before, a
year or so ago in a post called What if you don’t feel at home?
